ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
