dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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