Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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