Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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