If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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