Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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