your parents love me but you hate me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we made out on top of his cat.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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