Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
