I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
