Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
