pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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