Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
