Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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