I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
