Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
