i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
