Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize