She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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