Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
