just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
