saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
