too bad you live with your parents still
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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