You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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