There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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