Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
