last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
