I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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