Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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