; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
