if only i could text you this smell
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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