splinters make it hard to masturbate
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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