The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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