WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
barbara walters just said penis...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
