My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
