her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
