This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
