I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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