I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Randomize
