You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
