walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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