so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
