I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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