Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just had sex bonerless
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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