How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
