I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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