It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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