if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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