just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Floor bacon is actually really good
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
