Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
These tits shall not be calmed
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
