I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
