theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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