I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
