There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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