I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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