I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
