News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
