I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
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I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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