I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
