I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
