Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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